I have been ferociously cleaning out my house this past month and came across a folder tucked in a corner that had a bunch of x-rays from my kids’ many years of Scoliosis checkups. These were not even the digital printouts we are now used to – these were large, old fashioned, x-ray FILMS. I also found a folder of printouts. I had been saving them all because I wanted to be prepared if I needed to go back and check on their progression. I’m not sure how that would have helped – I just felt the need to hold onto the DATA. As I sat there, being brutal in my effort to get rid of stuff everywhere else in our house, I wondered – is it time to let these go? Is it time to move to that point in our Scoliosis journey where seeing the ins and outs of progression doesn’t really matter anymore?
For so long, the progression of my kids’ curve was a big concern and took up a large part of my brain space. Things like x-rays can seem like an unending ordeal when we are in the thick of it – 3-4 times per year, we just know that it is part of our life cycle. And, then, all of a sudden, it’s over. Yet, it’s never over. My kids will always have Scoliosis. But, those specific numbers are not so important anymore. What is important is the here, now – the today. It’s nice to live life without regard for Scoliosis this-or-that. It happens eventually, and it happens abruptly. It’s liberating, yet sad, because with the freedom from Scoliosis also comes the departure from their growing years. It makes me wonder if during all the hubbub of Doctor visits and x-rays, if I should have taken some of the brain space away from Scoliosis and put it more in the here-and-now. I can’t go back, but I can tell you what life looks like looking back on the journey. I can say that as much as we wanted to wish away the brace-wearing, that with those years also we were wishing away tons of growing up fun. We have to find a balance. I’m pretty happy with the balance we found. The x-rays did go into the trash. I’m letting go of the x-rays, of the regrets, of the fears of the “what-ifs”. And, when the time is right – you’ll find that freedom, too.